How to Get a Girlfriend

If you want to get a girlfriend, you will need to consider many things. First, you will need to prepare your home, mind, and life for the presence of a female. Second, there is a rather large upfront cost to consider. Finally, girlfriends are very high-matinence and will need a lot of time, attention, and chocolate; especially chocolate.

The first thing to consider is preparing yourself for a girl in your life. You will need to make sure you can take the emotional strain. You will also need to change some up your physical routine. To do this, buy some smelly stick and rub it under your arms so you don’t stink as bad. Also, try stepping into the magic rain room more often than once a month. It is scary the first few times, but it is easy to adjust and squeeze it into your schedule. You should also get into the habit of putting toothpaste on your toothbrush and scrubbing your teeth to make them smell and look better. Another thing that is optional is to go to the gym a few times every week, but most girlfriends are able to survive without this.

The next thing to consider is that there will be a rather large upfront cost. When people go to adopt their girlfriends, most of them opt for asking, “Will you go out with me?” but other people try less traditional means. This can be very emotionally draining, so make sure you get a good night sleep first. After you ask her if she will date you, girls may say “Yes” or “No,” but many choose to say things like, “Ummm,” or “Maybe.…” To increase the chances of her saying yes, consider bringing her things like chocolate and flowers. Most girls prefer pink flowers, but yellow will work too. After she says she will date you, you will need to discuss what she likes to do. Some girls like going to movies. If she doesn’t, consider taking her to a restaurant to get food. All girls like food. This brings us to the final thing to think about.

After you have a girlfriend, you will need to constantly give her snuggles, attention, and food. Some favorite foods are avocado on toast, waffles, Starbucks, Chick-fil-A, and froyo. Girls LOVE froyo. You will need to feed your girlfriend at least two times a day, in the morning and at night, and make sure she has enough food to eat in the middle of the day. You should also leave her snacks, to let her know you’re thinking about her during the day. She will need a lot of attention. She needs snuggles at least three times a day, but closer to five is preferable. She will also text you a lot during the day when you’re at work. Take this as a good sign.

Overall, girlfriends cost a lot and are very high-maintenance, but they are worth it. The most important thing for you to know, though, is that your girlfriend is not an animal. She is a human. You should treat her like one. If you treat her badly, she will leave you and find someone else. Keep that in mind as you move forward, and enjoy your new girlfriend!

 

Disclaimer: This article is meant to be satirical/funny. The opinions shown do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Rebel Times. Nothing in this article was meant to be offensive. We apologize if it was.

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