How To Tell Your Kids That They’re Worthless: 2016 Elections

By Krys Manchette

Editor’s note: This is a piece of satire, which is “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.” This article is not meant to be a fact-based report or an espousal of political opinion.

A sigh of relief for America! The 2016 election is finally over, but that doesn’t mean that the consequences are going to end any time soon. These election results are causing mass hysteria and rioting across the country. America is gaining international enemies faster than the population of Canada is gaining American citizens. People who voted for Hillary and Stein are seeing America in a whole new light – it’s the end of the world as they know it.

It’s time to break it to the kids; they’re worthless. It’s time for them to start learning what life was like in the early 1900’s, and begin to kick around old tin cans and play hide and seek – a timeless classic. We should have seen the end in sight during the beginning of the election cycle last year, when Trump became a prominent candidate for the elections. Children and adults alike were crying, to see that the country has stepped down low enough to elect a cheeto billionaire. But now is not the time to mourn the death of our country, but time to welcome the beginning of a new beginning: the beginning of the end.

trumpSure, your family has been here since the pilgrimage from England in the late 1400’s, but who cares about them anymore? They’re dead. Stone cold in the ground, they don’t care if you move out of the country to try and live a better life, because that’s what your ancestors wanted. They wanted their children and future generations to live in a better place, where opportunities run rampant and the economy is perfect. Apparently, that isn’t our America anymore, since we have food being elected as our president!

This election teaches us that it’s okay to forget your heritage as an American citizen, and that it’s okay to teach your kids to start living like it’s the Great Depression, since that’s going to be America 2 minutes after Trump’s inauguration on January 20, 2017. Let’s begin to face the facts now, the children are worthless. We have Emperor String Cheese running our country, California is sinking into the ocean, and the people of Florida are half-reptilian illuminati members. It truly is the end of the world.giphy

Featured Image – By: Geralt [Public Domain] via Pixabay

GIF: via http://giphy.com/gifs/end-of-the-world-Rp3SZkaR5spGw 

“Trump Crying Baby” – (Trump) By: Gage Skidmore [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr, (baby) By: Kelly Sue DeConnick  [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr (baby cropped into trump picture)

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